“KETTLEBELL SWINGS and the DANGERS of drinking out of a toilet...”

I once bought a book at Barnes and Noble. 

It’s sensible title alone, was reason enough to spend $12 on a rainy Saturday afternoon. Who WOULDN’T want to own this book, huh??!!  I HAD TO have it…..!!!!

“Physics For Dogs: A CRASH COURSE IN CATCHING CATS, FRISBEES, AND CARS”

14 years later, unread, and unappreciated, it looked sadly at me from it’s dis-comfortable position on the shelf, wedged between, “You Cannot Afford the Luxury of A Negative Thought” (really??…), and “Around Africa on A Bicycle” by Riaan Manser. (…no coincidence.)  So I reached out, released it from its paperback prison and started to flip through its neglected pages.

Having recently taken a few enthusiastic Crossfitters through a Kettlebell Swing Basics class, I couldn't help drawing comparisons to my recent experiences and the precautionary words of warning on page 18 : 

“ED-9.  DRINK OUT OF A TOILET”

 

Before drinking toilet water, you must understand the magnitude of the risks involved.

Typical polypropylene toilet seat specifications help us find the seats mass (m).

Should the seat fall, its angular momentum, L, can be determined by the following formula.

where s is the lids speed, r is the lids length and O is the angle between the lid and its direction of movement.

The seat will fall 61cm (d) over 2s (t). Since the lid is always moving perpendicular to itself (90), sin is 1, simplifying the equation to,

The lid will undergo acceleration only from the component of gravity perpendicular to itself.

Assuming vertical is 0 deg, this component is represented by,

Assuming the lid falls from an initial position of 0 deg and your head is approximately 6 inches tall, you can calculate how many degrees the seat will fall.

All calculations prove that a falling toilet seat will hurt and likely create a noise enough to draw attention to you.

Neither consequence serves you well, so take care.

Having proudly failed lower grade math’s under the watchful eye of Miss Theodosiou, in junior school, the pretty algorithms and numbers mean very little to me.  But the PRINCIPLE's, ah the profound principles.

The past three years of teaching has shed light on one  simple truth:
Humans learning to swing Kettlebells share similar dilemmas and dangers, to their four legged friends taking sips out of sanitaryware. 

Let me explain.

Crossfitter, Lukas; a towering Redwood of a man -  made an intelligent observation at the Basics Swing class (…while recovering from his excellent GS style CHEAT-swings!…)

"You need to “CONTROL THE FLIGHT PATH of the bell."

Amen! High 5's all around!

Our unsuspecting dog-friend; armed though he may be, with algorithms and predictions, simply has no control over that lid and HOW it will fall. 

Humans swinging heavy things, on the other hand can accurately determine exactly how to use this momentum to their advantage!  As the kettlebell traces its trajectory from chest level back down through your legs, try this:

Swiftly guide it PAST your grateful groin area…hinging your hips back, crisp and quick. Load the hips, then explode the bell back up the path it just traveled down. e Voila!...The flight begins.

Here are 3 timeless tips to consider, before YOUR next “takeoff”:

1. “Pull” the bell down with your LATS.

To assist the semi-circular flight path of your bell (the arc…), accelerate it towards your body by using your ‘armpit muscles’ and shoulder blade action.

Think: TIGHTEN up. Shoulder blades DOWN. ‘Gorilla Chest’ OUT.


2. “Tame the Arc”

Leaving your armpits exposed and loose won’t help you to control or “tame” this flight path. So:

You must direct your FOREarms to the top of the inner thighs. 

This will plant your UPPERarms sweetly onto your ribs.

Think: “SHORTEN the arc. Keep it TIGHT, controlled”.

WARNING:  

A falling Kettlebell can hurt and create LOWER BACK stress/pain. HOW? 

3. Lose the feeble lockout and arched upper back.

Fix this fatal error by doing contracting your butt muscles with FORCE as you transfer the power from your hips into launching the kettelbell forward.  

Feel your feet drive themselves into the earth as you proudly PLANK at 0 degrees!

DO NOT arch backwards in an attempt to project that bell forward - this job is for your HIPS.

The only “arc” or arch allowed is the one your BELL describes, as it travels obediently through its flight path; upward from your ballistic hip action and then right back down that same flight path to where it began its journey.

Like a falling toilet seat whacking the head of a thirsty but determined dog; this unattractive arching shape will draw attention to you and likely cause your trainer to yell in alarm, poking her finger into your upper back in an attempt to save your vulnerable spine (and dignity). 

Don’t go there!.  DON"T be that guy/girl.
Set up with intent. Control the heavy projectile. And master this ballistic skill.

As Pavel says: “Be a responsible adult. Not a victim.”

Soon you will be feeling your hammies, abbies and buttski tightening up and working together like the Real Madrid soccer team.  

You will score BIG time with this KING of posterior chain exercises, and will certainly come to appreciate why Mark Reifkind, Master SFG Instructor calls the swing:  “The centre of the kettelbell universe.”